Monday, September 26, 2005

Middle-Age Ambition

As I find my self progressing further into late middle-age, I find my ambitions diminishing. My sister and I were talking about things we'd like to do. We'd both had the fantasy of riding in a hot-air balloon. But now, she says, she's past that; it would create more anxiety than pleasure for her. I made the goal to launch a website about STUFF by my 66th birthday, but that date has come and gone, and it's really not much closer to happening. I think about all the new and fascinating digital technology and it how it would be exciting to use it. But I know I'll never take the trouble to learn about it.

I can identify at least three reasons for this decline. I have less physical energy. I have less time left in my life, and it's more important to set priorities; I don't have the time to launch off into a whimsical endeavor that may or may not succeed. And there are lots of left-over projects that I need to finish now or never.

It's dismaying to realize that I no longer want to do so much. But it's also a relief.


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